The word ‘Confidence’ comes from the latin word “Confidere” which means to have full trust. So, to have confidence in oneself is to have full trust in oneself. When we trust ourselves and feel confident it not only brings about a great sense of well being, but it also plays a vital role in our motivation and success. We're more likely to take action and achieve our goals when we believe in ourselves.
Today, I would like to share with you the story of a woman named Sarah and how she found her confidence. Like many of my clients, Sarah juggles different roles in her life, striving for success in her career while trying to make time for her loved ones at home. She has many dreams, aspirations and unfinished goals. But her deepest desire is to feel confident. She knows that confidence is the secret ingredient that could help her face many challenges that come her way. But she didn’t know how to find her confidence. Through our work together she uncovered 5 key elements that ultimately helped her unlock her confidence.
1: The Power of Self Worth
Sarah realized that confidence begins with self-worth. Many of us struggle with deeply ingrained beliefs that we're somehow unworthy or not good enough. Perhaps from overly critical or overprotective parents, childhood bullies or societal stereotypes based on gender, race, body image or some other feature. Early messages about our worth are internalized and become the basis for our beliefs about ourselves. But Sarah discovered that those beliefs were like tiny pebbles on her path, placed there by critical voices from the past. With every step she took, Sarah replaced those pebbles with affirmations of her worthiness, repeating to herself, "I am valuable, I am deserving and I am enough.”
2: The Mirror of Positive Qualities
I encouraged Sarah to look at herself in the mirror and find her good qualities. The mirror reflected all the wonderful things about herself that she had forgotten. She saw her resilience, her determination, her humour and her creativity. Sarah understood that focusing on her good qualities was like polishing them, making those qualities shine even brighter. She vowed to remind herself of her positive qualities instead of always focusing on what she lacks. Celebrating her unique qualities would help shift her mindset and make her a force to be reckoned with.
3: Unleashing Hidden Strengths
In addition to her good qualities, deep within Sarah knew she had many strengths waiting to be unleashed. I asked her to think and make a list of her strengths or skills. So, she wrote down all the things she excelled at and enjoyed doing. She realised that using her strengths made her feel competent and successful. She realised that if she sought opportunities where she could leverage her strengths such as her business & communication skills, allowing her to thrive it would make her feel more confident than ever before.
4: The Armour of Self Compassion
After making a list of her positive qualities and strengths, Sarah realised how she never focused on these positive things about herself. Instead, she was used to putting herself down for what she couldn’t do or for her most minor mistakes. I asked her to challenge that inner critic and replace its harsh voice with self-compassion. It's vital to develop a positive attitude towards yourself. After all, mistakes are part of the journey, and we are all deserving of love and understanding. She reminded herself that she always does the best she can and should be proud of her efforts. She imagined herself putting on an armour of self-compassion to shield herself from the inner critic and rewrite those internal scripts that will help her build a stronger foundation of self-confidence.
5: Striving for Personal Best
Finally, we talked about Sarah’s need for perfection. Aiming for perfection is an unrealistic and exhausting pursuit because perfection is an illusion. Instead, she should focus on doing her personal best. Sarah embraced the notion that doing her best was an achievement in itself and gave her space to learn and grow. She banished thoughts of "not enough" and replaced them with a powerful mantra, "I am giving my all, and that is more than sufficient." With this mindset, she discovered newfound freedom, allowing her to navigate challenges with grace and self-acceptance.
In conclusion, with the implementation of the above five strategies, Sarah’s confidence started to flourish. It required dedication and hard work, but Sarah knew she had unlocked the keys to her self-confidence. By continuing to apply these strategies she knew she would become the brave and confident woman, she aspired to be.
And just like Sarah, each of us possesses the ability to unlock our own confidence. Confidence is not always an inherent trait but rather a result of cultivating various qualities and strategies and the five keys mentioned above are among the most effective in my experience. While boosting confidence may not happen overnight, finding the right keys that resonate with you can gradually unlock the trust in yourself that will elevate your confidence. Sarah's journey is representative of the experiences of many clients I have worked with, as most of them needed to focus on one or more of the above strategies to regain their confidence.
Take a moment to evaluate yourself today based on these strategies and assess where you currently stand. Identify the areas you need to work on to boost your confidence and remember that you are not alone in this journey.
If you have any questions or require support in any of these areas, please feel free to reach out to me via email: coachsanjukta.mitra@gmail.com. Remember, you have the capability to overcome challenges and achieve the confidence you desire. Embrace the process, believe in yourself, and take that first step towards unlocking your true potential. You’ve got this!
References
- Bénabou, R., & Tirole, J. (2002). Self-confidence and personal motivation. The quarterly journal of economics, 117(3), 871-915.
- Owens, T. J. (1993). Accentuate the positive-and the negative: Rethinking the use of self-esteem, self-deprecation, and self-confidence. Social Psychology Quarterly, 288-299.
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